A Taste of the Slow Life

Traffic in Italy may be hectic, but most other parts of Italian life are much more laid back. And one of the most relaxed aspects is eating.

Preparing and consuming food is an art.

It is no coincidence that Italy is the home of the Slow Food Movement.

We are enslaved by speed and have all succumbed to the same insidious virus: Fast Life, which disrupts our habits, pervades the privacy of our homes and forces us to eat Fast Foods.
To be worthy of the name, Homo Sapiens should rid himself of speed before it reduces him to a species in danger of extinction.
A firm defense of quiet material pleasure is the only way to oppose the universal folly of Fast Life.
May suitable doses of guaranteed sensual pleasure and slow, long-lasting enjoyment preserve us from the contagion of the multitude who mistake frenzy for efficiency.
Our defense should begin at the table with Slow Food.
Let us rediscover the flavors and savors of regional cooking and banish the degrading effects of Fast Food.
In the name of productivity, Fast Life has changed our way of being and threatens our environment and our landscapes. So Slow Food is now the only truly progressive answer.
That is what real culture is all about: developing taste rather than demeaning it.

Slow food is a way of life in Italy.

Most people (in Termini Imerese at least) eat lunch at home. About 1:00 in the afternoon, shops close, schools let out and business executives head home.

The traditional meal begins with pasta. After that is finished and the plates are cleared, the meat course is served. This is often accompanied by a simple salad made with lettuce, oil, lemon and salt. The final course is fresh fruit.

On special occasions, the process is even more elaborate and deliberate.

I enjoyed such an experience one Sunday at a family celebration. The table was set up outside on a patio. Antipasti were set out about 12:30. We stood around chatting and snacking on olives, nuts and cheese.

About a half hour later we took our places around the table and were served bow-tie pasta with freshly-grated parmesan cheese.

The empty plates were taken away. And the table was loaded with various meat and vegetable dishes: roast beef, sausage, eggplant, spinach, baked pastry made with cheese and spinach, involtini, potatoes and carrots.

We leisurely sampled all the dishes until we were fully satisfied.

The tabled was deliberately cleared.

Then fresh strawberries were served.

We sat and talked for about half an hour.

Then at about 3:30, a couple of cassatas were brought out along with other dolce.

The conversation continued for quite a while longer.

Here's an example of the relaxed atmosphere: As we were talking, the wind blew a plastic cup onto the ground. No one moved. In fact, everyone continued on as if it hadn't happened. I had to resist the urge to reach down and pick up the cup. Finally, several minutes later, I picked it up and put it back on the table, without a pause in the conversation or even a glance from anyone.

Of course, this was a special occasion. Every meal is not this deliberate. But the regular pranzo (lunch) is usually followed by riposo (a nap).

May we all learn to slow down and enjoy all the blessings of God's creation.

Pastor Rod

"Helping You Become the Person God Created You to Be"

14 Ways to Increase Your Empathy

Empathy may be the most important skill we possess as humans. Much depends on our ability to connect with others, to identify what they are thinking and feeling.

Some people are better than others at this. Women tend to outshine men in this area.

But whatever your current expertise, here are 14 things you can do to improve your empathy.

1. Listen more, talk less. The most reliable way to know what other people are thinking and feeling is to listen to them when they are talking. When you are talking, they are not. Just by talking less, you can dramatically improve your empathy.
   
2. Stop interrupting. When people are comfortable with each other, they feel safe in interrupting during conversation. However, cutting off the other person gets in the way of empathy. People feel more understood when they are allowed ample space to state their opinion. Conversation is not always about efficiency.
   
3. Don't finish sentences. When you think you know what other people are going to say, you are tempted to finish their statements. This is partially prompted by a desire for efficiency and partially by a wish to demonstrate an understanding of the other's thoughts. But this practice actually gets in the way of empathy. It is better for people to tell you what they feel than for you to tell them what they feel. Besides we rarely understand others as well as we think we do.
   
4. Don't give advice. Resist the temptation to fix the problems people tell you about. When you give them advice, it has the result of minimizing their feelings. Sometimes, almost all the time, all people want is for someone to listen to their concerns. If they really want advice, there will be plenty of time to unload your great wisdom after they have had ample time to express their emotions.
   
5. Ask good questions. Ask short, open-ended questions. Don't interrogate them. Most of your questions will be answered if you will just wait.
   
6. Give focused attention. When others are talking, give your full attention. Notice their body language. Make eye contact. Indicate interest with your own body language.
   
7. Slow down. Don't be in a hurry. If you really must end the conversation at a specific time, let the other person know in advance. But then give yourself fully to the conversation. Most of the other things you "really need to do" you don't really need to do. Many time pressures are self-imposed.
   
8. Acknowledge your own feelings. The better you understand your own feelings, the better you will be able to understand the feelings of others.
   
9. Genuinely care about others. If you really care about people, it will show. You cannot fake empathy. If you try to fake it, you will be exposed.
   
10. Read good fiction. Well-written stories will help you to identify with people who are different than you are. This will develop you empathy "muscle."
    
11. Visit other cultures. We tend to be blind to our home cultures. When we visit other cultures, it helps us to see our own in a different light.
    
12. Ask people about their feelings. Sometimes the best approach is the direct one. Ask people what they think and what they feel. You may think you know, but assumptions can be dangerous. Besides, people sometimes figure out what they are feeling when they talk about their emotions.
    
13. Care for pets and babies. Very young children and dogs can only communicate with nonverbal signals. To understand what they want, you will need to interpret these signals.
    
14. Participate in theater. Drama requires you to imagine that you are someone else. It is excellent practice for empathy.
    

The bottom line is that if you care about people you will find a way to demonstrate it.

Tell me what you think. What have you found to be effective in developing empathy?

Pastor Rod

"Helping You Become the Person God Created You to Be"

Ministry by Hanging Out

If Jesus were a pastor, how would he spend his time?

How much time do you think he would spend . . .

writing job descriptions?

attending committee meetings?

overseeing the construction of a new building?

designing a direct-mail postcard?

raising money?

organizing programs?

writing sermons?

developing strategic plans?

He didn't seem to be very concerned about these things when he was training the very first members of the whole Church.

He spent a fair amount of his time speaking to gathered crowds. But most of his time appears to have been invested in just hanging out with his disciples. Here are just a few examples:

Leaving Nazareth, he went and lived in Capernaum (Matthew 4:13).

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers (Matthew 4:18).

Jesus went throughout Galilee (Matthew 4:23).

Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them (Matthew 5:1–2).

When he came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him (Matthew 8:1).

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him (Matthew 8:23).

While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples (Matthew 9:10).

That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore (Matthew 13:1–2).

As Jesus and his disciples were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed him (Matthew 20:29).

As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately (Matthew 24:3).

While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper . . . (Matthew 26:6).

Once again Jesus went out beside the lake. A large crowd came to him, and he began to teach them (Mark 2:13).

One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, they began to pick some heads of grain (Mark 2:23).

Jesus and his disciples went on to the villages around Caesarea Philippi. On the way he asked them, "Who do people say I am?" (Mark 8:27).

After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately . . . (Mark 9:28).

They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, "What were you arguing about on the road?" (Mark 9:33).

Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan (Mark 10:1).

When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this (Mark 10:10).

They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way (Mark 10:32).

As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives opposite the temple, Peter, James, John and Andrew asked him privately . . . (Mark 13:3).

He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom (Luke 4:16).

While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along . . . (Luke 5:12).

Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table (Luke 7:36).

Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them . . . (Luke 9:18).

As they were walking along the road, a man said to him . . . (Luke 9:57).

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way . . . (Luke 10:38).

One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray" (Luke 11:1).

On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding (John 2:1–2).

Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well (John 4:6).

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him . . . (John 9:1–2).

Now, some will argue that "just hanging out" is irresponsible and unfocused. But they miss the point. Properly understood hanging out is more like a spiritual discipline. Intentional hanging out is costly.

So what do you think?

Pastor Rod

"Helping You Become the Person God Created for You to Be"

ESL--English as a Second Language

I am in Sicily teaching English. Many people here and at home think I'm on vacation.

While I'm having a good time and meeting many old friends, I wouldn't call this a vaction. I teach every morning (except Sunday) in the local middle schools. (Hello to the students from Tisia D'Imera and Paolo Balsimo.) I start at 8:15 and go to 1:15.

Twice a week in the afternoon I go to one of the schools for a two-hour "conversation" with some of the more advanced students.

Three nights a week, from 9:30 to 11:00, (yes, that's in the evening) I teach a class for adults. The students range from people who know virtually no English to teachers of English and Greek. (This makes preaching to a diverse group on Sundays seem easy.)

In addition, I am giving a few private lessons.

As you might guess, I'm not getting much sleep. But I can sleep when I get home.

My reason for this post is not to complain about how hard I'm working. I came here to teach. I enjoy it, and some of the students seem to be benefitting from it.

But some of the students have no interest in learning English. Their parents don't speak English. Their friends don't speak English. They see no reason to invest the time and effort to do something as difficult as learning another language.

There also seems to be an attitude generated by the French teachers that English is not an important language. I've tried to combat this idea by explaining how many opportunities that English speakers have around the world which others don't.

One way I've tried to do this is by saying the following over and over again until someone figures it out or until I run out of time:

In my hand, I have a 1-Euro coin. The first person who comes to me and asks for the coin, in English, can have it.

When this is successful (about half the time), it usually takes at least 15-20 minutes. Some of these students are the equivalent of 8th-graders. They've been "studying" English for three or four years. Yet they cannot understand simple, slowly-spoken English.

Not only is the cultural environment unfriendly to learning English, but the classrooms are also hostile (to most any kind of learning).

The teachers try hard to teach, but they spend more than half their time trying to maintain order.

The rooms are constructed exclusively of hard materials (concrete and tile). The desks and chairs have metal legs. They make an annoyingly-loud noise when they are moved (even carefully). And the desks are tables for two. Two students sit shoulder to shoulder at the same desk. It doesn't take much imagination to see the potential for distractions.

And they never stop talking, at least not for long.

It reminds me of a Monty Python skit. The students make noise. The teacher trys to quiet them (sometimes by making an even louder noise). A few students yell, "Silenzio!" Evenutally there is quiet for a few moments.

Then the teacher resumes the lesson only for the process to repeat itself in a couple of minutes.

Some of the students are clearly bored. Some of them think that it is too hard to learn English, so they joke around and try to be "cool." Some of them have given up on learning at all.

But there are a few students that are truly interested in learning English. Unfortunately, they often get lost in the chaos.

So what's my point?

The world is filled with people who have no interest in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. They invite people to commit the "unpardonable sin." They make fun of Christians who are hypocritical. They publish diatribes about the foolishness of believing in something you can't prove.

And many Christians spend their time and energy trying to answer these critics.

Of course, this needs to be done. But we must not focus our time and energy on these people. (I'm not advocating that we "write off" anyone.)

Instead, we must focus on the "good soil, those who are hungry for the truth. God is at work in the hearts of many people. (See 1 Kings 19.) We must be on the lookout for them, not the vocal critics. We must allow the Holy Spirit to use us to communicate God's love and grace to those who are desperate for it.

An intersting thing happens when the interested students start getting most of the attention. Some of the other students begin to develop an interest in learning themselves.

Pastor Rod

"Helping You Become the Person God Created You to Be"

Sono in Italia

On Sunday afternoon, I left for Italy. I will be in Sicily for a few weeks. I am teaching English at a couple of middle schools in Termini Imerese. It is the Sister City for Elk Grove Village. I was here for a few weeks in 2005 doing the same thing.

I intend to continue my series on the Reasons to Abandon Christianity. But I will also include a few personal posts from time to time. I apologize in advance if I don't respond to your comments in a timely manner. It doesn't mean that I'm not interested in what you have to say.

I'm staying with some dear friends who treat me as part of their family. Their daughter is expecting a baby girl in April. I feel like an uncle.

The people here know how to enjoy good food, friendship and life in general. Every time I come here, I am convinced that we need to slow down in America. We spend too much time on things that are not terribly important.

Hospitality is an art form in Italy. Coincidentally, I'm reading a book by Miroslav Volf, Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace. I'll have to post some of his excellent comments about generosity and forgiveness.

There are few things that make me feel more truly human than when someone's face lights up in recognition and he or she comes toward me with a huge smile and outstretched arms. Hugging is good for the soul. These people value me just for being here, without me doing anything for them. We should all give this gift to the people in our lives.

I appreciate all of you who pay me the honor of caring about what I write here. I especially appreciate the double honor you grant me when you take the time to offer your own comments.

May God bless you and encourage you to share his love with those you meet today,

Pastor Rod

"Helping You Become the Person God Created You to Be"

Say a Prayer

I just read this sad note over at The Hungarian Luddite:

Thank you to all who have read my website and blog over the years. I am sorry I can no longer keep this up. The physical problems I face are such that I can no longer even type. It's been fun.
The Hungarian Luddite

Say a prayer for this man with a big heart and a broken body. We’ll miss you, my friend.

Rod

Sono Arrivato

I made it to Italy. Sicily is nice, but the people are even nicer. I've met many old friends. I'm staying at the home of the local police chief. His wife must be the best cook in all of Italy. Today is her birthday.

Yesterday we went to the local catholic church to deliver a letter to the priest. (This is not the main church for the town. This is a little church at the edge of the city.) Several people were waiting to meet with the priest. The people really believe that he controls their access to God.

I read Scot McKnight's book, Embracing Grace, on the flight over. It’s an excellent book. When I return to the States, I’ll do a proper review. Scot’s got the right idea. I can’t wait to start quoting his book in my sermons and in this blog.

Today I met with several school officials to set up a time for me to return to teach English.

Right now I’m posting this from the office of the police chief. He’s off today, but he brought me by his office to use the Internet. He just left me here and told me to take as long as I like.

I’m teaching two Internet classes for IWU while I’m here. I did a lot of the work before I left. I mostly just need to check in every day to make sure there are no problems.

I’ll give another update when I can.

Pastor Rod

“Helping You Become the Person God Created You to Be”